WARNING: Implied Slash - Don't read if you don't feel comfortable with it!

‘Where am I? Why am I lying on this grass?’
I wake up on a beautiful sunny day, in the middle of an area that is familiar to me.
Where do I know it from? I can’t really care. Slowly I get up. I don’t really want to because the grass is so nice and soft, and the sun is warm on my bare skin.
Still, I feel the need to get up. I actually feel tired and I can’t remember how I got here. But somehow I feel that is less important. There is something else going on I’m not yet aware off.

I start walking around and soon I know where I am: a cemetery. And I know this place: this is the cemetery where most of my family is put to rest. Why am I here?
I am unexplainably pulled to a group of people standing around. I should know them. I know I’ve seen them with their cameras around their necks, yet I can’t put my finger on it.

A hearse is slowly entering the cemetery. I should leave these people to their morning. I’m not even dressed to attend a funeral. But I don’t turn away.
The cars stop and I see familiar faces getting out.
I am transfixed on the hearse. My eyes have fallen on the 5 letter word made of the most beautiful flowers: H O W I E. Wait, . . . that’s me! No, no this can’t be.

‘Howie, dear.’ A voice behind me calls out.
‘Sis?’ I turn to look straight into the eyes of my beloved sister.
‘Caroline, what’s going on?’ I ask bewildered.
‘Sweet D, you had a terrible car crash and died.’
The words hit me like bricks.
‘No, that can’t be.’
I turn away from her, not wanting to believe what I know to be true.
‘I’ve come to help you cross over.’ Her soft voice whispers.
‘But I can’t’
I’m near to tears. I look at the coffin, now ready to be lowered into the ground.
‘I haven’t said good-bye yet’ I softly say while looking at the 4 men standing there.
‘Go to them, SweetD, touch them one by one and they will feel you and be at peace.’
I look at my sister, not really believing the words she is saying.

But when I turn again I’m standing next to Brian. Carefully I place my hand on his. And I realize he doesn’t really feel me. And at the same time I know he does as tears run down his face while he looks at his hands.
I turn to AJ. He’s a mess I can see. Not afraid to show his pain and sadness, letting tears run down his face, unnoticed. I hug him, hoping it will make him feel better. But I know it can’t.
Kevin, my Kevin. I turn to face that wonderful man. And I’m shocked. Kevin, normally so strong has to be held up by Nick. I look at his face . . . . pale . . . . tearstricken . . . . lost . . . . alone.
‘Caro, I can’t do this. I can’t say good-bye to my one love!’
I know I’m raising my voice to her but I can’t help it.

Gently I caress his saddened features. His face shoots up. Did he feel me? I touch him again.
‘Howie . . ?’ a broken voice whispers my name.
‘Kev . . .’
Can he hear me?
‘Howie . . he’s here . . . I can feel him. . . .’
Kevin looks up at Nick. Nick is crying to hard, trying to hold on to his older friend as he is afraid Kevin will break down completely.
‘He’s gone, Kev.’ Nick sobs.

NO, no I’m not gone. I’m here, right next to you. I try to shout but no sound is coming out of my mouth.
NO, I won’t die! I hear myself screaming in my head. I ball my fists and start hitting the air around me.
I won’t die . . . . . I won’t die . . . . . I won’t die . . . . I scream it louder every time.
I turn to look at Caroline. She is disappearing in the distance. I’m drawn to her but then I see Kevin going through his knees, unable to stand up any more.

And I scream: I won’t die . . . .hitting the air around me with my fists. I close my eyes, unable to bear the pain I see on Kevin’s face and I keep shouting in my head and hitting the air . . . .hitting it harder and harder . . . hitting . . . wait . . . hitting something . . . hitting something?
I stop but don’t open by eyes. Gently I try again and . . . I hit something solid!
And then it hits me: the pain. All consuming pain running through every part of my body. Breathing, I need to breath but I can’t get any air.
So I start hitting whatever it is I’m hitting. . . harder . . . . faster.
Oh and the pain . . . I feel the pain and welcome it.
And then, a breath of air reaches my lunges. Yes, I’m breathing. And all I can think of is shouting one word

‘KEVIN’

My fists . . . . the solid . . . .it’s gone! No, no . . . . it screams in my head.
I dare not open my eyes. I stop hitting the nothingness and slowly reach up.
My hand is held by another. I can stop shouting. I’m save, save in the hands of my love.
Carefully I open my eyes and look around me. I’m in a coffin but the lid has been taken of. I can’t really move as everything hurts so much.
And then I see his face and all I can do is smile. I’m save!

The end.