WARNING: Implied Slash - Don't read if you don't feel comfortable with it!

Song: Stop living the lie
(Words & music by David Sneddon)

He sits alone at a table in a small café
Drowning his tears in a bottomless cup of coffee
And he's tumbling into his thoughts
His memories are all tied in knots
Who is going to save him
No one wants to know him

Howie sits and stairs at his coffee. Slowly the tears form in his eyes and
they tumble down onto the wooden table. He doesn't seem to notice. He is
far away in thoughts. His mind drifting to all those times he spend with
AJ. From the first day he had met the man he had taken him into his heart.
He couldn't tell AJ how he really felt. But over the years the deep
friendship had turned into love. And knowing his love would never be
answered, he had been happy spending time with his friend.
And late at night, alone in his bed, Howie could still smell AJ on his hands
and clothes from when they had shared a brotherly hug. Nights were always
the hardest, wanting to hold him, kiss him, please him.
During the day all he wanted was to tell him. But he never did.

2 years of not seeing each other daily had been difficult. So many times he
had picked up the phone, started to dial the number only to put the phone
down again before getting to the end. Howie loved AJ so much he didn't dare
risk loosing his friendship.
Over the 2 years he had learned to live with the loneliness, the ache in his
heart. He enjoyed every second of the time they did spend together.

And finally, they all got together again, hoping to pick up where they had
left of those years ago. As if it hadn't happened.

But Howie hadn't been able to handle it any more. He wanted to touch, hold
and kiss AJ. After 5 days together, today he had just walked out without
saying a word. Unable to control the pain and tears any longer, he had
wondered into this small café. Who would ever save him, who would ever love
him like he loved AJ?

He stands alone in a place where no-one knows his name
He catches them staring, they turn round to finish the frame
And he's nursing his head and his pride
He died long ago deep down inside
And who is going to save him
No one wants to know him

AJ had drifted into the pool hall and ordered a JD. But he just stared at
it, like the locals were staring at him, the stranger with all the tattoos.
He doesn't care. Why had Howie walked out on them? He so much loved
that man. From the day they had met, Howie had gotten into his heart. And
that love had grown. But he knew Howie would never love him like he loved
Sweet D. Just thinking of his name, Sweet D, and tears formed in his eyes.
He had tried to forget about it. He had drowned his feelings literally
until he had felt numb. Not caring about himself and more importantly his

But being around him again these last 5 days, without being able to drown
his sorrows in alcohol or drugs, all his feeling for Howie had re surfaced
with a vengeance. He had never stopped loving him. Had Howie seen
something? Had he realized and was now so disgusted with him, he didn't
want to be near him any more?
No, he couldn't be. AJ had made no mistakes. He had been so careful. He
had to find Howie. Paying his untouched glass, he walked out into the

I can't believe that you pull on a sleeve when you cry
You'll stick in the knife then give the kiss of life, live the lie
We all have a savour
So do yourself a favour
Stop living the lie
Stop living the lie

'I shouldn't have walked away. I'll tell them I was fed up with AJ and Nick
fooling around. They'll believe me. And then we can go back to what it was
before. He doesn't love me like I love him. Who would ever love me. Who
am I? Nothing special about me. So I sing in a group. AJ keeps me
together. AJ makes me reach for those high notes. No, I can never tell
But the tears don't stop falling: He wipes them away with his sleeve. But
they can't be stopped.

'I need to find Howie. I'll tell him some lie as long as he doesn’t know I
love him. I couldn't bear losing his friendship also. If he suspects
something, I'll lie. I'd rather hurt myself than him.'
AJ is staring into a small café. And there in the back he sees his love,
wiping away his tears with his sleeve. Just the gesture turns AJ's heart in
a knot. Why is Howie crying?

He sits alone and looks into the eyes of an angel
He catches him staring and smiles the smile of an angel
And he asks him if this chair is free
He says yes, will you sit here with me
No wants would have saved them
We should all learn from them

AJ slowly walks to the table. Howie notices someone standing and he looks up.
Straight into the eyes of his beloved AJ.
A bit uneasy, AJ smiles at him and asks:
‘Is this chair free?’
Howie nods, unable to take his eyes of his friend, unable to speak.
What can he say. AJ sits down across from him. The waitress brings AJ a coffee
and fills up Howies cup.
They both stare at the coffee, neither knowing how or what to say.
Howie looks up and sees AJ looking at him. Oh those beautiful eyes.
How he can drown in them. He should lie, he can’t tell him he loves him.
He can’t loose his best friend.
But his heart has taken over from his mind and in a near whisper Howie says:
‘I love you.’
AJ’s mouth drops open. He is stunned into silence. Howie loves him. He loves him.
His heart skips a beat. Howie loves him.
AJ is so ecstatic he nearly misses the pain in his friends eyes.
Howie is sure AJ is going to walk out any moment now. Why did he say those words that
had been on his lips for so many years. Why hadn’t he held back?
He drops his head on his arms on the table and starts to sob uncontrollably now.
All the pain and sadness of all those years seem to want to come out all at once.
AJ gets of his chair and kneels next to Howie. Gently he turns Howie so he can face him.
Howie wants to turn away but AJ won’t let him. Gently AJ wipes the tears from Howies face.
He leans closer to him. And just before their lips touch he whispers:
‘I love you too!’
Their lips touch and years of distance fall away. They are one and finally everything is right.

I can't believe that you pull on a sleeve when you cry
You'll stick in the knife then give the kiss of life, live the lie
We all have a savour
So do yourself a favour
Stop living the lie
Stop living the lie

They walk down the street, holding each other close. Nothing more needed to be said.
There would be time for more words later. Now they were just happy.

They reached the studios again. It seemed a lot longer than just an hour since they
both had gone out, running away from their love.
‘Are you sure?’ Howie looks at AJ. Tenderly AJ holds Howies face and kisses him.
‘No more lies. I love you, Howie. I have wasted years by not saying something.
I won’t loose another moment. They’ll understand.’

And strengthened in their love, they enter the building to tell their friends the truth.

The end.